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Recovery Stories Blog

‘My drinking was out of control – but now I know I can recover’: Andrew

July 3, 2023 by

Here is an excellent article about recovery from addiction by Chris Clements, social affairs correspondent for BBC Scotland.

Andrew is in recovery after a decade of alcoholism.

Ten years ago, he suffered a mental breakdown and his drinking spiralled.

It led to the loss of a career in finance and the breakdown of family relationships.

But the 62-year-old told BBC Scotland that his darkest point came last year.

“In June, my partner died and my drinking just got totally out of control,” he said. “I couldn’t function as a human being. I had to be cared for.”

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People Need Choice & Opportunity: Dr. David McCartney

June 28, 2023 by

Another film clip from my stimulating and moving interview with Dr. David McCartney, Founder of Lothian and Edinburgh Abstinence Programme (LEAP).

David experienced a sudden and profound change in the quality of his life, and he felt an immense gratitude for ‘having another shot of life’. At one stage, he couldn’t have cared if he had gone to sleep and not woken up. He then suddenly had his enthusiasm and spirit back—things fired him up and he was looking forward to so much.

At the same time, he felt he needed to atone, make amends, for his past behaviour. He also felt concerned that he had not gotten the help that really mattered in facilitating recovery during his ‘first time around’. He felt strongly that people needed to be aware of all the options that were available so they could make an informed choice.

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Trails of Recovery: Eternal Media

June 27, 2023 by

As some of you know, Wulf Livingston and I have been interviewing James Deakin, Founder of the North Wales Recovery Communities (NWRC) in Bangor for our Recovery Voices project. I’ve been amazed to hear what’s been going on at NWRC.

Since starting our project, I’ve also been hearing about the great work done by Eternal Media from North Wales, a media production social enterprise and charity making high impact documentary films and content for non-profits, groups, organisations and business. Eternal Media, which was Founded by Marcus Fair, himself in long-term recovery from addiction, has been working closely with NWRC. I love the above film.

Trails of Recovery follows NWRC members over seven days and 100 miles as they walk around Anglesey’s 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 coastal path to celebrate and make Recovery more visible. This is the first of  ‘Eternal’s Recovery Hub’ presentations. More films and podcasts have been made and released by Eternal Recoverists.

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On Being ‘Ballsy’: James Deakin

June 26, 2023 by

I’ve been busy recently editing film from the second interview I had with James Deakin, Founder of North Wales Recovery Communities (NWRC) in Bangor. I’m so impressed by what is happening at NWRC.

Whilst editing, I remembered I wanted to post a blog on James’s film where he discusses being ‘ballsy’. In my humble opinion, you need a chunk of ‘ballsiness’ to get some things done in the recovery field and climb over the barriers that the system sometimes puts in the way.

James is often accused of being an ‘ego-merchant’. He think there’s a fine line between ‘being ego’ and ‘being ballsy’. He believe he is the latter. He says to his community members, ‘I’m not afraid to fail. I’m afraid of not trying.’ David points out that we need people who are ‘ballsy’ in the recovery field.

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‘The monkey on my back’ by Recovery Coach

June 23, 2023 by

Here’s some powerful writing from one of our bloggers on Wired In To Recovery when it was running between 2008 and 2012.

‘Most people have heard the words ‘monkey on my back’ used as a term for defining addiction. Personally, I find the word ‘addiction’ too soft a word to describe the monster every addict or alcoholic battles in daily life. It’s too clinical, too sterile, and just doesn’t pack the same punch as the monkey analogy.

As a hardcore alcoholic for more than half my life, I learned a few things about the monkey.

First, he never knows when to keep his mouth shut. It’s not that he’s loud. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. The monkey prefers to whisper, at least during the early stages of addiction.

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Dr. Wendy Dossett’s Recovery Voices Teaser

June 22, 2023 by

I’m thrilled to introduce you to the third of our Recovery Voices Teasers, this one belonging to Dr. Wendy Dossett. I loved Wendy’s interview with my colleague Wulf Livingston, which resulted in 16 Story films totalling just under 86 minutes.

In the above series of films, Wendy describes how she reached out for help 18 years ago at a time when she was in absolute agony due to her drinking problem. She has not had a drink of alcohol since that time.

In their fascinating discussion, Wendy and Wulf cover a wide range of topics, including the nature of addiction, a wide variety of aspects related to the 12-Step Fellowship, foundations of recovery, grassroots community, recovery advocacy and the system, and recovery friendly universities.

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Carrying the Message: James Deakin

June 21, 2023 by

In Monday’s blog post, I described how James Deakin, Founder of North Wales Recovery Communities (NWRC), was incredibly intimidated by academics at one time. He got over that and today he is working with a number of us academics—in my case, a former academic.

James believes that both people with lived experience, and academics, have a role to play in the recovery field. For individuals on their recovery journey, storytelling is more relevant, but academic research is needed to influence funders and drive policy change.

James says that the upside of people with lived experience is that they are able to support people much more effectively, compassionately, and in a quicker manner. The downside of it is that ‘we’re also an ex-bunch of addicts and alcoholics, and it’s really easy to discount what we say, and what we think, and what we stand for, and what we advocate.’

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Overwhelmed by Shame: Dr. David McCartney

June 20, 2023 by

Shame plays a significant role in addiction. It is also a barrier to recovery. One can alleviate the feelings of shame by taking the drug and/or drink that led to the development of shame in the first place. Here’s a film of David McCartney, Founder of LEAP (Lothian and Edinburgh Abstinence Programme), talking about his drinking problem and his personal experiences of shame.

As David’s drinking increased, his interests and hobbies started to disappear. Eventually, he was only interested in activities that involved alcohol in some way. More and more the people he interacted with were either drinkers, or people he knew would not criticise his drinking.

His personal honesty eroded as he lied as to why he could not go into work. A mountain of shame grew, and his self-esteem diminished greatly, as he was living against all his personal values. He was a man who desperately needed to ask for, and access, help. Instead, he hid behind the thin veneer of being a doctor.

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There’s a Place for Me: James Deakin

June 19, 2023 by

Last week, I posted the Recovery Voices Teaser I edited for James Deakin, Founder of North Wales Recovery Communities (NWRC) which is located in Bangor, North Wales. This film quickly became the most viewed Recovery Voices film clip. The Teaser was created from an interview that James had with his good friend Wulf Livingston, who is my co-founder of the Recovery Voices initiative.

I was really excited to recently interview James, as part of a follow-up series to Wulf’s interview. I have now edited eight films from that first Zoom interview, summaries and links of which you can find here.

I decided to show this particular clip first, in which James describes how he was incredibly intimidated by academics initially. However, he later learnt that there was no need to be intimidated—he could play an important role in the addiction recovery field. And so he has! Mark Gilman played an important role here. How many times have I heard this of Mark? He has inspired many!

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Demoralisation in a Treatment Service: Huseyin Djemil

June 16, 2023 by

Huseyin Djemil, Founder of Towards Recovery, has done a good deal of consultancy work over the years. Here’s an example of the sort of work he has done within the treatment system.

‘Huseyin provided a one-day training course on opiates for practitioners of a well-known treatment provider. He finished his presentation slides by lunchtime. He wondered what was he going to do for the rest of the day?

He discovered that there were no opiate groups for clients, despite the fact that 51% of them were opiate users. When he started to discuss this matter with practitioners in the afternoon, he was told that the clients didn’t want anything other than methadone. Huseyin explored with the practitioners in an innovative way whether this was actually the case. He came up with some interesting findings.’

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James Deakin’s Recovery Voices Teaser

June 15, 2023 by

I’m really pleased to post the second of our Recovery Voices Teasers, that of James Deakin, the Founder of North Wales Recovery Communities (NWRC) in Bangor, North Wales. Having edited the film of my colleague Wulf Livingston’s ‘s interview of James, and then interviewed James myself, I’m really impressed by him and what he and his colleagues have achieved at NWRC.

I thoroughly enjoyed my visit with Wulf to NWRC’s Penrhyn House and to their restaurant/cafe Bwyd Da Bangor (Good Food Bangor) in September last year. I had a really good breakfast at the latter. Sadly, James was out of town. I look forward to meeting him on my next visit. For now, we’ll be chatting on Zoom.

James has been in recovery for 15 years and is now sharing his experiences of active addiction and offending to support other people to bring a positive change to their own lives. He believes strongly in the concepts of mutual aid and shared experience, and these are underlying foundations of NWRC, which he founded in 2014.

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The Nature of Addiction: Wendy Dossett

June 14, 2023 by

Interviewer Wulf Livingston asks Wendy whether she is very particular about the language around addiction, in the same way as she is nuanced with language used around the word ‘recovery’. Wendy responds by saying that she was utterly powerless over her addictive behaviour. She identifies with the concept and experience of powerlessness, and is quite comfortable relating it to addiction.

Addiction is that ‘desperate need for oblivion, desperate need to change how I feel… a total lack of control.’ She has so many memories of the desperate desire not to do what she was doing, but being unable to desist, until ‘I acknowledged my own powerlessness.’

Bio: Dr Wendy Dossett is Associate Professor of Religious Studies at the University of Chester and Principal Investigator of the Higher Power Project. Wendy’s research explores religious, spiritual and secular language in addiction recovery modalities, including Twelve Step and Buddhist approaches. She’s also an activist for Visible Recovery, and she contributes to the ‘Recovery-Friendly University’ movement in the UK. She’s a person grateful to be in recovery herself.

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Dr. David McCartney’s Recovery Voices Teaser

June 13, 2023 by

I am thrilled to release the first of our Recovery Voices Teasers, that of Dr. David McCartney, the Founder of Lothians and Edinburgh Abstinence Programme (LEAP).

I have known David since around 2007 and we continued to meet every time I was in Edinburgh, where my eldest daughter Annalie was doing her medical training in the early days. I loved visiting LEAP and spending time with the patients and staff. It was so good to be there last year, after a number of years away.

I edited my interview with David into a series of 15 films (totalling 76 minutes) which are posted on YouTube. These films cover the development of David’s drinking problem and an unsuccessful attempt at sobriety, the latter involving a medical approach focused on prescribing.

In crisis, he later called the Sick Doctors Trust Helpline and was told a doctor’s personal recovery story. That telephone call gave him hope and the opportunity to take his own journey to recovery. David talks about setting up LEAP and about facilitating recovery in the community.

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Let Love In!: Phil Valentine

June 12, 2023 by

A huge congratulations to Phil Valentine of Connecticut Community of Addiction Recovery (CCAR), who recently received a Distinguished Lifetime Achievement Award from Faces & Voices of Recovery (FAVOR) in the US.

Here is a beautifully made short film on Instagram of Phil. In relation to Phil’s acceptance speech, the post reads: ‘This speech, filled with poise and humility, sheds light on how deserving Phil is of this award.’

Phil’s parting words in his speech: ‘Recovery is love. Letting love in and the ability to love and care for others. So my parting words to all of you: Let love in. Self-care is letting love in. If your soul is a well of love, how full is your well.’

A simply amazing man! Such a deeply moving film!!

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Anxiety, Craving & Insomnia: Dr. David McCartney

June 9, 2023 by

I am so grateful to David for sharing the story of his addiction and recovery journey with me for the Recovery Voices Initiative. This film includes the time when David first accessed help for his drinking problem.

‘David eventually asked his GP to sign him off work through stress, as he thought he could tackle his problematic drinking when avoiding work. Instead, he started drinking in the mornings, as there was no reason not to!

David confessed his problem to his GP who told him he ‘wasn’t a drinker’—he had been drinking problematically for a decade by now!! He visited a psychiatrist who diagnosed his problematic drinking and referred him to an addictions psychiatrist who in turn arranged a community detox, involving librium and various other drugs. At one stage, David was taking between 20 and 30 pills a day.

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Secret Shoppers: Huseyin Djemil

June 8, 2023 by

During his commissioning days, Huseyin set up a ‘Secret Shopper’ project, as he was not convinced that what he and his colleagues were being told by a contracted service provider was actually the reality. Ex-service users were trained to play a number of different roles and told to take various actions with the service. The service provider was informed that Secret Shoppers would be visiting them. The service was provided with a copy of the final report. Huseyin describes some of the experiences of the Secret Shoppers.

Please check out more of Huseyin’s Recovery Voices films.

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The King’s Shilling: James Deakin

June 7, 2023 by

Wulf starts a discussion about how a peer-led, independent recovery group obtains funding such that it is not working to the agenda of the funder. In the early stage of NWRC’s development, James has ‘zero trust and zero faith’ in the commissioning process in the North Wales substance misuse field. He has seen too much control and tokenism in the field, and fears that his community’s work will be undermined by the system.

He receives funding from outside the field which allows him to control the community’s housing. The building he and his colleagues acquire hosts mutual aid groups which work with members of the recovery community.

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Things That Have Helped During My Recovery Journey: Dr. Wendy Dossett

June 6, 2023 by

Wendy describes herself as having a general positive attitude to life and enjoying the natural world. Her relationships with people have helped her recovery journey. Thinking about how to help other people and contributing to knowledge about addiction and recovery through her training also play a significant role. Psychotherapy has helped her at different times in her life, by allowing her to delve deeper into her past trauma, and intergenerational trauma, which she believes underlie her past addictive behaviours.

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Historical Perspectives of Opiate Use

June 5, 2023 by

I find the history of drug use quite fascinating. Here’s a brief history focusing on one class of drug.

Opiate, or opioid, refers to any drug, either natural or synthetic, that has properties similar to opium or its main active ingredient, morphine. Opium comes from one type of poppy, Papaver Somniferum.

Opium was used by the Summarian and Assyrian civilisations as long ago as 4,000 B.C. It is mentioned in Egyptian medical scrolls dating to 1550 B.C. Greek and Roman physicians made medical use of opium. The use of opium spread from the Middle East with the expansion of the Islamic religion. While the Koran forbade use of alcohol and other intoxicants, opium was not banned. When tobacco smoking was banned by a Chinese emperor in 1644, the Chinese invented the practice of opium smoking.

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Being Heard: Huseyin Djemil

June 2, 2023 by

The people who gave Huseyin a job in the prison service knew of his past addiction, but it was something that he was actively discouraged from talking about. His past was considered a weakness. In contrast, Huseyin saw his past as a huge positive. At one stage, he worked for a rehab which helped residents put together a cover story, so that when they entered the outside world they wouldn’t have to disclose their past. He believes this approach is wrong—it buys into the stigma. Personally, he wants to be visible, and he is comfortable with that desire. 25 March 2023. [5’44”]

Please check out films from Huseyin’s first and second interviews.

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