Ellie’s Recovery Story, ‘Come With Me’: I Am Not Anonymous

Ellie’s Recovery Story is from the excellent I Am Not Anonymous website, Kate King and Tom Goris. This website contains over 170 Recovery Stories… no you haven’t read wrong! A simply amazing piece of work. Congrats to Kate and Tom and all the contributors. [NB. It looks like the website may have been last updated in 2015 – and the introductory film did not work for me – but the Stories are as relevant today as they were then.

‘When I was drinking, my life was ruled by shame.  It’s exhausting, living a double life. On the outside I was a put-together, active, intelligent woman.  I made sure my outside always looked okay, so nobody would look too closely at what was really going on, at my dirty secret.

Inside, I was a crumbling mess.  I felt less-than, unworthy and insecure.  I strove for perfection in all things, which of course is unattainable, and this left me feeling empty and ashamed.

I drank to fill the cracks, the emptiness.  I drank to numb out, escape.  I drank to feel okay with myself.  I found myself in my late thirties, a shell of a person, hollow and feeling desperately alone, even though I had a beautiful family, a job, and people who loved me.

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‘A bright light in a dark world’ by Maddie

One of the highlights of my career has been the development of Wired In To Recovery. Our online recovery community attracted over 4,000 members, who were from around the world and had a diverse range of backgrounds. A significant number (over 1,000) of community members blogged, generating over 7,500 blogs and 35,000 comments!

I loved reading the blog posts and had many favourites. Here is just one of the moving posts I was lucky enough to read.

“I’m almost nine months into my recovery journey, during which time I have not had a drop of alcohol. I’ve been reflecting back to my past, the time that I was drinking very heavily. Today, I can’t imagine drinking every day as I did, waking up with a hangover every morning. My mind just can’t seem to go back there.

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Kevan’s Moment of Clarity

images-1A Moment of Clarity for Kevan Martin, taken from his Recovery Story. After spending 25 years problem drinking and eight years in and out of psychiatric hospitals, Kevan runs NERAF which has nearly 100 staff and volunteers and provides a support service across the north-east of England.

‘One Sunday evening, when I was out trying to tire myself out, I walked past a church. I believe in God, but I am not a religious or spiritual person by any means. However, I felt this overwhelming urge to turn back and enter the church.

I sat at the back of the church watching the congregation sing and started to feel comfortable, relaxed and at ease. I must have fallen asleep, as I didn’t realise that people had left until the Vicar woke me.

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