‘Sue: A Personal Story’ by Sue Murphy

2007_0118walpole0076“I was, what you were once described as in the 70s, ‘a problem child’. So to me, looking back, it was inevitable I ended up an addict.

My first love was LSD after postnatal depression. Not an excuse, just how it was. LSD was the only thing that made me feel alive. Until ecstasy. Wow, good days and they were until all the garbage arrived.

Skip many years, many tablets, many lines later and I found heroin. Or should I say it found me? It kept me enslaved for 15 years along with crack.

I’d been told I was infertile and was quite happy about this. I met someone six years ago, both of us using, content-ish. Things began to change, my mental health, it looked like I was dead but just wouldn’t lay down.

I got to the point where I’d had enough, but couldn’t stop. Even when I wanted to, my partner didn’t. Then an amazing thing happened. It sounds mad, but I found out I’d had a miscarriage.

Two weeks later, 13th February 2008, I went to the hospital ill and found out I was still pregnant. I had been having twins but lost the first one two weeks before.

The night before the scan I got out of bed and went to the hospital chapel. I’m not a religious person but I prayed and wrote in the book to let this baby be in the right place and survive. Next morning, I had a scan. Nine weeks, all okay.

Bloody hell, my compulsion was lifted instantly. I have never used heroin since. I did try two rock pipes four months after my son was born, but it only reaffirmed that I didn’t want or need it no more.

Three week before my son was born I found out I was Hep C positive. I started treatment when my baby was six months old for 24 weeks and cleared it. The hardest thing I’d ever done. I waited 12 months for my son to clear the virus himself as he was born with the antibodies. Thank God he did.

I started volunteering at Hope North East straight after treatment finished. Best thing I’ve ever done. I started working on myself, getting to know me, being honest, feeling and giving love.

I set up a Hepatitis support group eight months ago, won an award, and due for another next week. This, may I add, is not ego. Just saying how it was and is.

I am Chair of the Boro drugs forum BDF and loving my life, and living my life. The friends I have and love, and know love me, are the gifts of recovery.”

From Wired In To Recovery, submitted in November, 2010.