‘Will I ever smile again?’ by Maddie

IMG_2338As some of you know, I developed the online recovery community Wired In To Recovery (WITR). I always loved it when a community member wrote their first blog on WITR, particularly when they described their lives and feelings. Sometimes, people ‘surfaced’ with just a few sentences like, “I’m Bob, I have just accessed treatment after ten years heroin addiction. I’ll be back soon and blog again.”

And sure enough, most would be back and their blogs would increase in length and number. Some people were looking for help online and they would receive comments from other community members. And they would respond to these comments.

One person who surfaced on WITR was Maddie, someone from somewhere in Australia. I started to comment on Maddie’s blogs and I then started to provide some help by e-mail. It wasn’t long before we were emailing each other regularly.

Here is Maddie’s first blog, written almost a year ago.


Thank you to everyone involved with this site. Reading these stories has been the very first thing I do when I wake and the last thing I do before I go to sleep at night. So many powerful stories, quotes and facts have helped me to slowly gain some control back.

The word ‘clean’ has a new meaning to me now. I love feeling clean, feeling fresh.

However, will I ever smile again? It feels as though I just exist. Kinda numb.

I have heard how once you detox and the physical pain passes the emotional recovery begins. Is that what’s happening? Am I in the emotional hangover stage? Now that the physical pain has passed.

Eleven years ago I became lost in a world of drugs and drinking after my boyfriend took his own life.

I want my life back now. I want to be happy. I want to love. And I want to be loved.

If you have taken the time to read this thank you!  xx’

When you receive blogs, comments and e-mails like this you know you are doing the right thing. And developing Recovery Stories is the right thing! And to my good friend, Maddie:

“You’ve come a long way, Maddie. Eight months ‘clean’, eight months where you have had the opportunity to see how beautiful life is when not drinking and drugging.

Yes, there have been lows as well as highs, that’s what recovery is about. But the highs are getting more frequent and the lows less frequent. You take care, Maddie. Looking forward to seeing your comments on this new website. And to meeting you one day.”