‘Madness!’ By Maddie

Unknown-1‘So close to one year sobriety now and I’ve been reflecting a lot. The biggest thing for me at the moment is being so aware of the insanity and madness in which I used to live. I totally understand what insanity and madness mean now.

How insane to think it was a good idea to steal drugs from a dealer who was a biker and his girlfriend often had a black eye? How insane was it to think it was a good idea to have sex with strangers for money…

Towards the end of my using heavily, I would pick up my drugs from my dealer, go to work for the day (in the bathhouse), only to have to pay for more drugs on the way home. Insane! I was effectively making no money, as I was drugging away every single cent I earned!

I don’t know how to describe how grateful I am to be free from addiction. To have my mind racing, heart pounding, body sweating, jaw clenching, legs twitching and eyes locked wide open – until I got my drug.

The stress of getting my drugs didn’t settle once I had them, because I was then stressed about how quickly they were going to run out! Around and round I went, with no true relief. Madness!’