‘When I was drinking, my life was ruled by shame. It’s exhausting, living a double life. On the outside I was a put-together, active, intelligent woman. I made sure my outside always looked okay, so nobody would look too closely at what was really going on, at my dirty secret.
Inside, I was a crumbling mess. I felt less-than, unworthy and insecure. I strove for perfection in all things, which of course is unattainable, and this left me feeling empty and ashamed.
I drank to fill the cracks, the emptiness. I drank to numb out, escape. I drank to feel okay with myself. I found myself in my late thirties, a shell of a person, hollow and feeling desperately alone, even though I had a beautiful family, a job, and people who loved me.